After a long hiatus I have returned to find that, sadly, everyone has gone to clown college and graduated with honors. So… lets talk about that.

Historically, American political discourse has not been much better than it is now. I would like to dispel that myth. Why? Because the first part of the clown’s strategy appears to be making everyone think this is the worst things have ever been. I start from a few basic premises which I will put in cute little bullet points:

• We have had serious epidemics since the founding of this country
  • see eg. Smallpox, Typhus, Cholera, Yellow Fever, Dysentary, Influenza, Diptheria, Measels, Malaria
• We have had politicians say mean things before
  • eg. “I have only two regrets: I didn’t shoot Henry Clay and I didn’t hang John C. Calhoun.” – Andrew Jackson
  • eg. [he has a] “Hideous hermaphroditical character,” – Thomas Jefferson about John Adams
• We have had riots before
  • see eg.: Shays rebellion, Whisky rebellion, Cincinnati riots 1829, Philadelphia nativist riots, The Civil War, Detroit race riots, New York City draft riots, Rock Springs Massacre, Jaybird-Woodpecker war… the list goes on and on.
• California has been on fire before
  • see eg. every year since basically ever
    • no seriously, this happens every year
      • not kidding, look it up
        • Also… isn’t it kind of funny how the granola crowd cant manage forests? Turns out hugging trees doesn’t prevent them from catching ablaze when your gender reveal party goes to shit

So, when you hear a clown say that “we have never been so divided” or things have never been this bad, what they really mean is they paid no attention in their history classes, and that you should scorn them for being an ignorant prick. This is not to say there aren’t people actively trying to divide Americans today, there definitely factually are, its just not a new concept, nor has it caused the complete dissolution of societal order. So why point it out, what is the purpose of this little diatribe? Well hopefully I will raise your awareness that people flapping their mouths without thinking is a bad thing and that too many folks are doing just that. But more importantly, I would like to encourage everyone to challenge the basic assumptions being made by the candid statements of the ill-educated. So finally lets unpack the statements and see what they really mean.

• We have never been so divided
  • We = Americans presumably
  • Never = since the moment of creation until this very minute
  • So divided = had more polarized opinions than now

So if you look at it that way the statement is something like:

Since the first day America existed the people living in it have not had serious and meaningful differences of opinion.

And the second statement:

• Things have never been this bad
  • Things= our living situation generally
  • Never= Since the ink dried on the declaration of independence.
  • This bad= the situation in America has not been more dire at any point in the past

this translates into:

Since John Hancock put his pen down until today there has never been a situation more serious than wearing covid masks and a rude orange New-Yorker.

Both are, by every possible metric, stupid statements. So stupid that someone who spouts either should be roundly panned, and summarily ejected from further discussions. And I propose that this is exactly the course of action you take when you hear this language. Stop the person who just used it, inform them that they are being a hyperbolic clown, and give them a chance to remove the red foam nose they just put on. If they backtrack from it, you are talking to a rational person who is just frustrated. If instead, they double down by slipping on a wig, you should walk away before they start honking. But of course we are making one critical omission, there are two parts of a statement. The first part is the statement its self, the second part is the intended effect of the statement on the listener. And I feel it would be remiss of me to ignore the ‘why’ aspect of these statements. They are being asked of you to see if you are part of the ‘tribe’. Both statements are literally friend or foe designators for idiots who cant do rational analysis. In sum, The speaker is implicitly asking you to identify yourself as a fellow clown so that they can make balloon animals with you. By all means, agree with them if you want to put on big shoes and a squirt-gun bowtie, but know what you are getting into when you do so.

Personally, I do not like clowns, and so I will not be taking part in the great clown-out of 2020.